When was the last time you had a good one night-stand? Recently? A long time ago? Never? If you’ve never had a one-night stand, you may be missing out…or not. So, is a one-night stand ever a good idea? Well, truthfully, it depends on you. Some researchers have found that most men enjoy one-night stands; however, there are a whole lot of women, who just don’t feel the same way. They describe these one-night frolics as simply dreadful. Still, some women claim that causal sex is the best sex. They love it all – booty calls, hook-ups, and one-night stands. For these women, one-night stands are the best way to get their needs fulfilled – without the drama of a commitment aka relationship.
Similarly, some men can have one-night stands like its “no big deal,” while others simply can’t… For these men, one-night stands just aren’t for them. Don’t beat yourself up if you try it out and learn that you are one of those men that really don’t enjoy this type of casual sex. I mean, when you think about it, one-night stands aren’t really all that great – if you’re head isn’t into it (no pun intended). In fact, let’s be real – this type of sex can be cold, emotionless, and sometimes too quick. Sorry.
So, how will you know if you should avoid one-night stands? Well, the only way you’ll know if it works for you is by trying it out and seeing what happens. It may be the best sex you’ll ever have… or it may give you nightmares every time you recall that time you had a one-night stand. Either way, you won’t know unless you jump in.
But wait…before you jump in, read this all-knowing article. Listed below are 3 reasons why one-night stands may not be for everyone. Hey – better safe than sorry, right?
You get attached way too quickly
Hey you! Yes, I’m talking to you. If you have a habit of “falling in love” at hello…well, then, one-night stands may not be for you. Why not? Well, if you get attached way too quickly, there’s no way in hell you won’t fall in love with the girl you just hooked up with. Seriously. One-night stands aren’t for the weak of heart, if you know what I mean. So, you pick up your date; take her home for some stress-free, one-time sex that is off the chain. You do the deed and leave…but you can’t stop thinking about her. She’s on your mind and you contemplate whether you could see yourself with her for the long haul…STOP. You are running head first into a big pile of mess – and some pretty hurt feelings. Save yourself some grief and put that thought out of your head. It was a one-night stand, nothing more and nothing less. Then, never have another one-night stand again – they simply aren’t for you.
You’re trying to find a “the one”
You’re getting older and now you’re ready to find “the one.” You don’t know where to find a partner for life so you stick to your old and outdated playbook, you know, the one where you find the love of your life through one-night stands? No. Let’s be real, Bud, if you are looking for a long-term partner or potential wife, don’t go searching for her by having multiple one-night stands. It’s not attractive and it could get you seriously hurt, if you sleep around with different women and…they don’t like it. You feel me?
The term, “one-night” should be a clear sign that the sexual encounter is only supposed to happen “for one night only.” But, some people just have a hard time with this concept – thinking they can create something magical out of absolutely nothing. Sigh. The truth is there’s a strong probability that your life partner will not come from a one-night stand. This type of casual sex is only meant to temporarily satisfy your aching need for sex – hopefully, good sex. So, have fun and enjoy yourself – for that night and then let it go. I’m sorry to say, one-night stands just aren’t for you. P.S. If you really want a relationship, trying looking for that special person, the old-fashioned way – through dating.
You suffers from performance anxiety – on a regular basis
If you suffer from performance anxiety - on a regular basis, one-night stands just aren’t for you (at least not at the moment). Performance anxiety can affect him too and can be a cause for, or to stem from sexual dysfunctions like premature ejaculation (PE) and psychological erectile dysfunction (ED).
Thankfully, there are a number of things you can do to help cure premature ejaculation such as behavioural therapy exercises and desensitizing sprays or creams. Psychological ED could also be treated, using methods such as guided imagery. BUT a one-night stand is definitely not one of them. PE can trigger or worsen performance anxiety (and vice versa), so if you tend to feel anxious about sex, a one-night stand is probably one of the more stressful things you can put yourself through. The good news is that you can prevent these dysfunctions, simply by addressing the issue head-on. Once you have wrangled your stallion back into control, you’ll be able to have as much sex as you want – for as long as you want – without fear, shame, or anxiety. Score. But, until then…one-night stands probably won’t work for you.
To sum things up:
It all makes sense now, doesn’t it? And, you thought you were the only one. Nope, one-night stands are not for everyone. Even some cool, hip modern men have tried one-night stands and come to the conclusion that they just aren’t “feelin it.” So, what are some key signs that you are ready for one-night stands? Well, you’re confident in your sexuality and you know exactly what you want (no wavering), you have a strong desire to “experiment” in the bed – with different women, you’re definitely not looking for a long-term commitment – or even a second sexscapade (casual sex adventure with no regrets), you really don’t give a damn what “society thinks” or anyone else for that matter – except you, of course, you’re freshly free from relationship jail, and need some distraction sex to remind you that you still have it, let’s be honest - you just want to have sex,– and the list goes on and on. So, if you don’t have at least five or more of these traits, beliefs, yadda yadda yadda, one-night stands may not be for you.
Dr R.Y. Langham holds a Master of Science in marriage and family therapy and a PhD in family psychology. She serves as a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic.