If only a boom box and the sweet, sweet vocals of Peter Gabriel could fix all that ails your coupledom. But it takes far more direct communication. So we asked top therapists (and a few of our bros at Men's Health) for specific scripts and phrases to help you talk your way into fewer fights, hotter sex, and tighter bonds.
Here's exactly what to say if you want to take things to the next level in the bedroom:
"I HAD A REALLY SEXY DREAM ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT."
Bringing up something new you want to try—or want more of—in bed can be awkward. So blame it on your subconscious, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. With this opener, he's the star of your fantasy. "I like when a woman shows she's been thinking about sex with me apart from when she's actually having sex with me," says Men's Health senior editor Paul Kita. Include specifics (e.g., what you were wearing, who initiated) to really paint him an erotic picture and turn that dream into a reality.
"OH MY GOD, I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT."
You don't want to be in your head in the middle of sex, thinking of what to say, so stick to compliments about moves of his that you're into. "Sex is the most raw, unfiltered expression of a relationship, so just say what you're actually feeling," says Dean Stattmann, special projects editor at Men's Health. If words are too distracting in the moment, nix them and let out some moans of pleasure instead, says Megan Fleming, Ph.D., a New York City sex and relationship expert.
"I'M NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU LATER!"
Send him this text when he's still at work—it's so out of context that it can have an even stronger effect than if you were together. It's a teaser for what he has to look forward to—sort of extended foreplay. "When a woman takes the lead, it's a huge turn-on," says Stattmann. "Especially when it comes to stating her desires."
This article originally appeared on Women's Health US