That post-sex chat could be more critical than you realised. Researchers at the University of Connecticut found people are more likely to share positive feelings and important info with their partner after an orgasm.
You can probably thank our old mate oxytocin, the ‘love hormone’ that floods the brain immediately after climax. It’s associated with greater feelings of trust and less perception of social threat – meaning people aren’t as scared to share the big stuff, after sex. Unsurprisingly, men have less desire for D&Ms. Study author Amanda Denes believes this is due to men’s higher levels of testosterone, which can suppress the oxytocin response.
If you’re craving some pillow talk, but your partner just craves the pillow, you’re not alone. A University of Michigan and Albright College study found participants whose partners fell asleep straight after sex had a greater desire for post-sex cuddles. Suspect a current squeeze is avoiding the ‘let’s be Facebook official’ chat? Study co-author Susan Hughes says “falling asleep before one’s partner may be a non-conscious way to foreclose on any commitment conversation after sex.” Thanks for confirming our fears, Susan.
Also, blame biology. “During sex there’s a physiological build-up to achieve orgasm. When this occurs, there is a release of energy and many men can feel tired and want to rest as soon as this happens,” says sex and relationships counsellor Christina Spaccavento. If this happens regularly in an LTR – and it bothers you – it’s best to chat about it. “But don’t drop the bomb when he walks in the door. Ask when he’s available to chat at a time that works for both of you,” advises Spaccavento. “Once there, use ‘I feel’ statements to share what is going on for you and clearly express what you need so he has an understanding of how he can change his behaviour.”