Walk down the sexual-health aisle of any pharmacy and you'll instantly notice the latest crusade in the intimacy industry: helping men last longer and women climax quicker. A slew of desensitizing products promises to cool your man's jets so he doesn't pop off as soon as you start going at it. And right next to these are female-arousal formulas that claim to get you to the brink of pleasure faster than you can say "That's the spot."
While many of these products may be snake oil, the problem is real: The average man takes about four to 10 minutes to orgasm during intercourse, according to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Compare that with the roughly 13 minutes the average woman needs to get off during sex (if she can at all), and you're left with plenty of unsatisfied couples.
So what can you do to balance the scale? Enlist your guy and try these tricks to balance out your O speeds.
Do: Order oysters or red meat at dinner. These are high in zinc, a nutrient that can increase testosterone in the body, which is key for upping blood flow to the vagina, according to a Boston University study. But suggest your guy opt for the spinach salad: It's rich in magnesium, which can help keep blood vessels dilated (and his hard-on strong).
Don't: Overdo it on the alcohol. While one round can loosen you both up, "excessive amounts can decrease your ability to perform, or prevent your guy from having an erection to begin with," says Fisch. Cut yourselves off after one or two glasses.
Do: Flirt. Heavily. Remember how your head has to be in the arousal game? Try to shun thoughts about work and your to-do list, and instead, focus on playfully touching and kissing your partner, suggests Streicher.
Don't: Sit on the couch. A study in Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that exercise significantly increased genital arousal in women with sexual dysfunction, thanks to greater sympathetic nervous system activity. So take a brisk walk with your guy post-dinner, or plan to get it on post-gym session.
Do: Be selfish during foreplay. Unlike men, women are capable of having multiple O's (finally, a win for the XX set!). Have your guy perform oral or use a vibrator on you to get you off first. Odds are, he'll happily oblige.
Don't: Discount a condom. "If there's less friction for men, they're likely to last longer," says Fisch. A wrapper will add an extra layer between you and him—hence, a slight decrease in penile sensation.
Do: Get into the coital alignment position. Once your guy shifts up from missionary so that the base of his penis hits your clitoris, rock back and forth together. Or get on top and push your sensitive areas against his pubic bone.
Don't: Focus on the clock. It can make you anxious and further delay your orgasm, says Fisch. Instead, play some tunes to put your mind at ease, and zero in on every sensation.