The festive season is about giving and receiving, and there’s no better place to put that Christmas spirit into practice than between the sheets. A house crowded with relatives doesn’t have to mean a ban on bonking. Sex toy retailer Lovehoney has provided some handy tips for keeping it down while you’re getting it on.
1. Music can hide all manner of moans and groans, so tell your family you’re wrapping presents and not to disturb you, then turn up the volume and enjoy some alone time. Don’t forget to actually wrap the presents afterwards, or that’s your cover blown.
2. Try face-to-face positions with less thrusting involved, so you can communicate non-verbally with eye contact and kissing. Plus, you can cover each other’s mouths with your hands, which is both practical and sexy.
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3. Whether you’re going solo or merrymaking with a partner, extra quiet sex toys are perfect for undercover action. Lovehoney has plenty, from non-vibrating toys and strokers to bullets, rabbits and massage wands, like the super powerful but whisper quiet Desire Luxury Massage Wand.
4. Pillows are perfect for screaming into, whether it’s because your family are driving you mad, or you’re in the throes of passion. A modified version of doggy style, where one partner is lying on their stomach, is perfect for this.
5. If your problem is a banging headboard or squeaky bed, move things to the floor. Make sure you put a quilt down, though, as carpet burns on Christmas morning are not a great look.
6. Running water should drown out any tell-tale noises, but make sure you’re careful – baths and showers are slippery places, especially if you add lubricant and another body into the equation. And obviously don’t do it on Christmas morning, or you’ll emerge to find a queue of your nearest and dearest outside the door.
7. If you really can’t be quiet, build up the tension with texts and touching throughout the day, then make your excuses and stay home when everyone else goes for the long Boxing Day walk.
8. Take the spotlight off sex for the weekend and focus on each other’s bodies with touching, teasing and oral sex – it’ll only make it more exciting when you can finally make as much noise as you want to.