Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Holiday Gift Guide Is Here And Features A $50,300 Gold-Plated Jungle Gym - Women's Health

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Holiday Gift Guide Is Here And Features A $50,300 Gold-Plated Jungle Gym

From the quirky to the ridiculous and outright bizarre, Goop’s holiday gift guide never fails to disappoint. And while we might not have the necessary funds to splash out on such novelties, it can at least inspire our own Kris Kringle gifting options.

We might only be a week into November but as anyone who has frequented a department or grocery store in the last month or two can attest, it’s never too early to break into the festive spirit. It appears that as soon as the last of the Hot Cross buns have been consumed, so begins the annual rollout of Christmas decor. From tinsel to fairy lights, candy canes and Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas, we’re now firmly in holiday mode. This is, of course, also the time of year where one must take stock of the friends, colleagues and special people in their life and the gifts they ought to receive under the Christmas tree. While there’s no shortage of gift guides available to find something for the tech-savvy or fitness enthusiast, they all pale in comparison to Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Holiday Gift Guide, an annual assemblage of gifts that would otherwise break the bank of any other individual. 

For 2021, Goop have released a number of different guides pertaining to an individual’s varied interests. There’s the lover’s gift guide, offering something saucy that’s sure to spice up your sex life or at the very least encourage you to tap into your own sexuality. Then there’s the cook’s gift guide, the forward to your significant other, the gift guide that’s under $100, a kid’s gift guide, one for men, travellers and, most importantly, the ‘ridiculous but awesome gift guide’ – otherwise known as the gift guide for those with a disposable income. 

Safe to say, going through Goop’s gift guide is an entertaining affair. From the hilarious through to the downright ridiculous and bizarre, even if you can’t afford the things on this list, it’s surely going to inspire your own Kris Kringle gifting. See some of the more iconic purchases on the list below. 

‘This Smells Like My Orgasm’ candle: $100

Goop made international headlines when they released ‘This Smells Like My Vagina’ candle, a scent that while many might have found hilarious, also happened to sell-out almost instantly online and in stores. Now, the latest offering from Goop is ‘This Smells Like My Orgasm’. You can expect hints of grapefruit, neroli, and ripe cassis berries blended with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose. 

A stay in the Mirrored Tree House in Harads, Sweden: $792/night

Thanks to Goop you can now send a loved one off to a mirrored tree house in Sweden, located in a town just 50km south of the Arctic Circle. 

Checkers in Rose Quartz: $2,539

If the standard checkers is just too mundane for you, consider upping the glam-level with a rose quartz version. Goop is now selling a hand-poured acrylic checkers board that is insanely luxe and could double as some kind of decorative item on a coffee table. 

Jungle Gym with Gold-Plated Details and Lacquered Wood: $50,300

Just when you thought all jungle gyms were created equal, Goop came and educated us that no, there are jungle gyms and then there are the kind of rich-mumma-energy jungle gyms that command attention. Made out of matte lacquered wood in bubble gum shades, this gym even features gold-plated details. It almost seems like a waste to let kids with their grimy hands and nose boogers onto this. 

Chanel Sled: $14,068

It might be summer here in Australia, but for those enjoying Christmas in colder regions with snow, you might want to reconsider your gear. And nothing says luxury quite like a Chanel sled. 

Leopard Print Rolling Papers: $18.80

Slightly conflicting knowing that rolling papers are commonly used for cigarettes, but hey – Goop must think if you’re going to roll one, you should do so in style and nothing appears to say ‘wellness’ quite like leopard print. 

Omakase Berry: $66.99

If you aren’t familiar with the Omakase Berry, you’re not alone. Considered extremely rare, the berry is down to be super sweet with Goop declaring it “a first-of-its-kind” due to the fact that they are a vertical farm tended by bees and AI robots. So, just how much does one have to pay for a taste of these rare berries? Turns out it will set you back close to $70 just for 11. 

Handwoven Cashmere Blanket: $6,230

From luxury brand Hermes comes this cashmere blanket with a rather questionable colour palette but which, we’re sure, feels extremely soft to the touch, like being caressed with a natural yoghurt…or something like that. 

Floating Eco-Luxe Suite: TBD

We know, we get it: deciding what to buy for millionaires must be tough. If you’ve exhausted all options and still don’t know, consider this Anthenea pod which is like a luxury yacht only cooler, more intimate and with the kind of vacation-style vibe you’d expect of a secluded villa. 

Home Alone 2 Package The Plaza Hotel: Price Upon Request

Because who hasn’t watched Home Alone 2 and fantasised about being separated from their family, only to wind up at a luxury hotel, drowning yourself in chocolate sauce and ice cream? Well, thanks to Goop you can now make it a reality for your family. The package includes a night at the Plaza Hotel, a limo tour, personalised pizza, and a 16-scoop room service sundae. 

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