New loves, break-ups, long-term coupledom and parenthood... there’s an orgasm for that. Here’s our guide to maxing your pleasure at every stage.
THE NEW BAE ORGASM
After some (awks) test runs, you finally went from go to O with a new partner.
WHY IT’S TOPS: Besides your shared victory? This success bodes well for the next romp, and the next.
HOW TO GET IT: Contrary to how orgasms happen in the movies (simultaneously, and 36 seconds into the first time a couple has sex), real-life Os can take practise. In fact, women had only a 32 per cent chance of climaxing if they’d never hooked up with their partner before, but a 51 per cent chance if they’d hooked up six times or more in the past, according to scientific data analysed by Dr Justin Lehmiller, author of The Psychology of Human Sexuality. And up to two-thirds of women don’t orgasm through intercourse alone – so add clitoral stimulation, whether that’s him going down on you or using his fingers or a vibrator. Another known O killer? Your anxious inner monologue. Am I moving the right way? How does my tummy look? Getting out of your head and zeroing in on how hot this experience is – and how sexy your partner finds you – is key. “Try to focus on your breath, like in yoga or meditation,” says Dr Yvonne Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! Or lose yourself in the rhythmic motions – a new study from Northwestern University discovered that they create an altered state of consciousness in your brain, putting you in a sexual trance of sorts that can make it easier to climax.
THE LTR ORGASM
The sexiest part about being in a relationship? Your bond lays the groundwork for awesome Os.
WHY IT’S TOPS: You can give yourself permission to experience your full brand of sexuality in all its power! Bonus: when your partner is part of that process, your connection grows even deeper.
HOW TO GET IT: By now, you know exactly which moves get each other there, but that doesn’t mean sex happens as often – or is always as exciting – as you’d like. Time to mix things up! Aim for the famous ‘blended orgasm’: what happens when you engage your clitoris and G-spot at once. Have him move two fingers inside you in a ‘come hither’ motion while he gives you oral, or hold a vibe on your clitoris during doggy.
(No need to be shy about introducing a toy – a study from the Centre for Sexual Health Promotion shows that 45 per cent of men have used them, most during sex with a female partner.) Make sure your clitoris gets the love first; when blood floods the pelvic area as a result of C-play, it spurs the surface of the G-spot to rise so it’s easier to access, says Fulbright. Want another challenge? Try ‘edging’, where you get close to climax, then back off for an even grander finale. Your partner can tease you with tried-and-true strokes while you take your time, knowing he’s invested in your pleasure.
THE SINGLE GIRL ORGASM
There’s nothing like a casual sex O, especially fresh out of an LTR. Hey, hottie from happn.
WHY IT’S AWESOME “You’re establishing your sexual sovereignty and the right to be desired,” says relationship coach Shula Melamed. “These are liberating orgasms. They’re reclamation orgasms.” Preach!
HOW TO GET IT “This partner knows you only in a sexual context,” says Lou Paget, author of Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming. So there’s less concern he’s judging you for being ‘out of character’. Go ahead and try new-to-you ways to get off. Consider exhibitionism (do it with the blinds open) or butt play, which many women find pleasurable as stimulating your back door hits a nerve that’s a major player in clitoral Os. This is also a perfect time to put yourself first and shoot for multiple orgasms. For the estimated 15 per cent of women who’ve had them, research shows using a vibrator, believing that their orgasm is a priority, and having long sex sessions (more than an hour) helped.
THE NEW MUM ORGASM
Pregnancy may have thrown your physiology off. It’s also common for couples to let their sex lives languish after having a kid. But your O and intimacy with your partner still matter.
WHY IT’S TOPS The benefits of new-mum orgasms are plentiful: “The vaginal contractions that accompany orgasm strengthen pelvic floor muscles weakened by pregnancy and birth,” says sex therapist Ashley Grinonneau Denton. “And over time, the oxytocin released with orgasm can help with postpartum pain.” Plus, reconnecting with your partner, not to mention with your own sensuality, can be pretty damn welcome.
HOW TO GET IT Most docs advise new mums to give their bodies six weeks to heal before sex, but even after that, the deed might feel different.
Pregnancy stretches ligaments around your reproductive organs, which could alter the sensations. Lube is crucial; new mums need extra since a postpartum drop in oestrogen may cause vaginal dryness. Emotionally, a new baby – and adjusting to your body – can make getting in the mood a challenge. Some advice: schedule in sex when the baby is fed and napping. Make yourself feel sexy with new lingerie, a blow-dry or a candlelit bedroom. And be goal-oriented about your O: opt for extra foreplay to make sure you’re getting yours.
THE PRO ORGASM
Like Calvin Harris, orgasms get better with age. In fact, 70 per cent of women in their 40s and 50s had one last time they had sex, compared to 61 per cent of 18- to 24-year-olds, says a Journal of Sexual Medicine study.
WHY IT’S TOPS Time and experience have made you less insecure about body imperfections, and researchers at the University of Pittsburgh found that some women become more sexually adventurous starting in their 40s, trying new positions and also masturbating more.
HOW TO GET IT As we age, orgasms can take longer to achieve, even if you’re in the mood. Blame a decline in oestrogen and testosterone, which affect arousal and lubrication. (Pelvic floor muscles also weaken over time, so Os could feel shorter and less intense.) To speed things along, try fantasising before sex, suggests sex educator Dr Barbara Keesling. (Visualising a particular person and lots of detail works best, she says.) Also helpful: reading a sexy novel or pre-gaming with your fave vibe. Regular exercise could also lead to a quicker climax as it gets blood flowing.
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