Girl meets boy, boy drops a winning line, girl takes boy home, both boy and girl enjoy explosive orgasms. We thought we had this sex business down but according to sex therapists Mike Lousada and Louise Mazanti, we’ve been doing it wrong.
In their new book, Real Sex, Lousada and Mazanti explain that we never truly express our desires and as a result we aren’t able to have a fulfilling sex life.
“From our culture, religion and upbringing most of us have received more or less explicit messages about sex as something wrong, dirty and shameful,” Mazanti told the Independent.
But our main mistake? Most of us see sex as “goal oriented” rather than “pleasure oriented”, and it is “absolutely vital” that we change that.
“When we’re in performance and trying to achieve either an orgasm or the latest fancy sex kink, we judge the experience and lose connection with each other. Sex becomes hollow and objectifying for both parties. It’s a sure recipe to feel a failure,” says Lousada.
“Seeing it as a pleasure-orientated broadens the possibility for sexual pleasure hugely. When we let go of the focus on reaching genital orgasm, we create space for more intimacy, deeper, longer arousal and thus more actual, whole body pleasure. And eventually whole body orgasms.”
Perhaps it’s time to drop the ‘can’t wait to climax’ attitude and start enjoying the heated moment.