That said, it can be intimidating to bring a toy into partner play. You don't want your SO to think you're implying they're bad in bed, after all. But just remember: Toys are not a crutch for sub-par sex, they're a way to make it even hotter.
Not only do women who use sex toys report a host of perks (like finally getting that clit stimulation needed to achieve an orgasm), but guys say vibes increase sexual desire, erectile and orgasmic function, and intercourse satisfaction, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Sex Made Easy.
“Sex toys from couples vibrators, solo vibrators, and everything in-between can provide couples new ways of increasing bonding and intimacy through new experiences,” says Liz Klinger, women’s sexual health expert and founder of Lioness.
Still freaked by the idea of busting out a vibe? Follow these steps:
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1. Start with some real talk
Don't bring up the topic mid-sex, but do sit down and have an honest convo about it. “Start by giving your partner a genuine compliment,” says Kristie Overstreet, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist. “Share with them that you have been wondering what it would be like to try something new.” Most importantly, you want your partner to understand that sex toys are not a threat to your relationship.
From there, Klinger suggests you "gauge their reaction first, talk about it, and then make a decision.” And realise, “there’s a chance that they may not want a sex toy, and that’s fine, too," she says. "There are plenty of other ways to explore and be intimate together.”
2. Go shopping
Okay, so he's down to give it a go—the next step is establishing how you'll go about finding a toy. You can either go alone and choose a toy yourself, or invite your partner along.
“See if they even want to shop for one with you and make it a date," says Klinger. As much as you may want to surprise them, "you may want their input on what they’d like to use so your gift won’t collect dust in the drawer."
That said, don't be offended if they don’t want to come shopping with you. If they feel a little too embarrassed to hit up a sex shop, go buy that toy you’ve been itching to try.
3. Choose the right gear
You’ll want to pick the right toy if this is your first time out. Overstreet says a vibrator is good starting point, since they're probably the most familiar option to sex toy newbies.
And when it comes to picking a toy, vibe or otherwise, Klinger suggests something small and easy to maneuver.
These eight options are perfect for taking the plunge.
Taking tech to a whole new level, this sex toy is part vibrator, part app. The two-in-one G-spot and clit stimulator allows for stimulation during intercourse or other play. Vibrations can be controlled from either the wireless remote or the We-Connect app, in which users can also create custom vibes and stimulate their partner from any location.
How to use it together: Wearing the We-Vibe during sex is a plus for both partners. The snug fit gives attention to your G-spot and clit and the 10 various vibes also feel amazing for him, as his penis slips under the toy during sex. Paired with the app, the We-Vibe is especially great for long-distance duos because your partner doesn’t have to be in the same place—or even the same time zone—to tease and play with you, says Leah Millheiser, M.D., ob-gyn, director of the female sexual medicine program at Stanford. You can also chat and call in the app, all while your pleasure is gradually peaking. You'll take sexting to a whole new level.
4. Fiera Personal Care Device, $199
This adorable toy was designed with couples in mind, and is perfect if your boo is wary about toys playing too big a part in your sexy time. This tiny, light, and simple-to-use vibe has the same idea of a cock ring (direct clit pleasure for her), but it's worn by the woman instead, making it a little less cumbersome.
How to use it together: The beauty of Eva II is it has flexible silicon wings that tuck under your labia, while the vibe part of the toy sits on top—which means you can have totally hands-free clitoral stimulation during sex. Plus, it's waterproof, so you can get very creative with your sexual adventures.
7. Tenga Iroha Midori, $70
Klinger loves the Iroha Midori. It’s a tiny, squishy vibrator that couldn’t possibly freak your partner out. It looks more like a stress ball than a product for pleasure enhancement, making it an easily maneuverable toy that is totally non-threatening.
How to use it together: This toy is designed to provide pleasure for all tastes—it offers a variety of vibration intensities and patterns, so you and your partner can discover what really gets you going. This toy is great for play all over the body, not just on the genitals. Try experimenting by using this vibe to stroke different erogenous zones on the body—whether that's your partner's nipples or inner thighs—the signature "SoftTouch" material is perfect for all-over play. Not to mention, the motor is nearly silent, which makes this toy very approachable for newbies.
8. Satisfyer Partner Whale, $39.95
Similar to the We-Vibe 4, this Satisfyer vibrator was also designed specifically for couples' play. The most important thing to remember when using this one: lube, lube, and more lube, says Klinger. Always lube up your toys before use.
How to use it together: This curved toy is fitted with two powerful motors, meant to pleasure you and him at the same time. The thicker part lies directly on the clitoris, while the other is meant to go inside the vagina—targeting your G-spot and massaging his shaft at once. With just the touch of a button, you can select one of three vibration intensities and seven rhythms to help get you both reach an intense climax.
This article originally appeared on Women's Health US.
