24 Women Share Their Best Tips For Mind-Blowing Sex

by | Mar 1, 2018

Things you may have filed under don’t ask a friend over brunch: “What was your bowel movement like this morning?”, “When are you going to dump your boring boyfriend?”, and “What are your go-to moves for mind-blowing sex? I need helppp!”

But that last one is totally a shame. Because, even though talking about sex with your friends can be awkward or even flat-out unhelpful, some of the best sex tips and inspo can come from ladies who have been there, done that.

To help you tap into the intel of other women’s sexcapades, Women’s Health surveyed 81 real women, ages 22 to 51 to find out their advice for taking your sex life from meh to amazing. And they certainly delivered. Here are some of the best ideas on how to have better romps, more orgasms, and fabulous sexual experiences overall—from ladies who know what’s up.

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COMMUNICATE ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE (AND DON’T LIKE)

“Communicate, communicate, communicate!”—Maire, 23

“Be honest about what you like without the fear of judgement, because nine times out of 10, your partner also has kinks, and when you’re honest, they open up too.”—Grace, 25

“Communicate with your partner about what you both need to do, or what it takes for both parties to orgasm.”—Stella, 26

TALK BEFORE SEX

“Speak up with your partner…always. Ask questions in non-sexy times.”—Stephanie, 32

“Have a conversation (while you’re not in the middle of or about to have sex) about sex and what you both enjoy and don’t enjoy.”—Louise, 23

TRY SLOWING THINGS DOWN

“Build a level of intimacy and connection before you get down to anything. And [spend] a decent chunk of time just kissing and [enjoying] foreplay. Why do some guys forget about f*cking foreplay?”—Grace, 25

“I need lots of foreplay and anticipation! It’s also important to communicate. Speak openly about what you like, don’t like, things you want to try, etc.”—Andrea, 25

“Go slow. Create a yes, no, or maybe list of things to try together, and then explore.”—Olive, 31

BE PRESENT AND INTO IT

“I need them to make me feel safe and to be 100 percent present in the moment with me. That can mean asking me how I’m doing, taking cues from my body, and asking me ‘is it okay if I do this?’ Also clitoral stimulation is KEY for me.”—Arielle, 27

“Focus on your partner more, pleasing others is the sexiest thing.”—Griffin, 29

RELATED: The Best Sex Positions To Tone Your Arms, Butt, Legs, And Abs

CLIT ACTION IS A MUST

“Clit action, please!”—Marie, 23 

“Let me touch myself.”—Annie, 25

“Stimulate my clitoris via manual clitoral massage or oral sex.”—Sadie, 47

GET UP IN ON THE NIPS

“Nipple play (suck, squeeze, hold).”—Rachel, 26

“Touch my nipples!”—Hazel, 23

DON’T BE SCARED OF SEX TOYS

“Try something new. We’re living and f*cking in a time where sex toy technology is peak level, take advantage of that shi*t.”—Danielle, 29

“Cock rings are life-altering.”—Lucy, 27

“Use a sex toy, with or without a partner! Sex toys are amazing for enhancing sexual pleasure, and can give you and your long-term partner something else to bond over.” —Kate, 23

“Use sex toys! And focus on the woman’s pleasure not just the man’s.”—Scarlett, 25

“Lube makes everything better + vibrators.”—Polly, 31

GO TO THE EDGE

“Edging!!!!!! Bring each other to the brink of orgasm, but don’t follow through, let the intensity and anticipation build.”—Kait, 22 (And here’s everything you you need to know about edging?)

“Don’t let me come and then I’ll come all at once after oral sex.”—Maya, 28 

DON’T TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY

“Laugh during sex! With the weird sounds and uncomfortable positions, sex can be hilarious sometimes! So don’t take it too seriously, and try to laugh over that little, embarrassing queef you may let out in the middle of your sexy session.”—Kate, 23

“Have more fun and don’t be so uptight, sex is supposed to be about letting loose.”—Alice, 22

Note: Some quotes have been edited for clarity.

Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.

This article originally appeared on Women’s Health US.

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‘After 3 Miscarriages, This is How I Processed the Trauma’

With October marking International Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month, we spoke to survivor of multiple miscarriages and women's health lobbyist Samantha Payne, CEO and Co-Founder of Pink Elephants - Australia’s only national support service dedicated solely to miscarriage and early pregnancy loss.

Here's her story.

What is your experience with miscarriage?

I have lost 3 babies to miscarriage, my first was a missed miscarriage - I walked into a scan expecting to show my then-toddler her baby sibling on the screen only to be met with 'I'm sorry there is no heartbeat.' I had to endure a weekend with that baby dead inside of me before I could be fitted in for a D&C.

My next miscarriage happened 6 months later - I started to bleed on holiday with friends, I told no one, I was deeply ashamed. I passed that baby alone in the shower at 3am, forever traumatised as I had to flush the remains down the toilet.

My final loss was just last year another miscarriage I started to spot and I just knew, the Doctor that saw me this time asked if we could see a flicker on the screen she thought there was a heartbeat, astounded we asked for a second opinion, where it was confirmed my baby had died.

How did you process the trauma?

With my first two losses, I didn't cope. I poured everything into Pink Elephants and having another baby. I had another pregnancy but was completely terrified the whole time, I didn't bond with this baby, no names, no gender reveal, wearing a brave face every day pretending I was grateful. When Johnny was 4 months old it all caught up with me: I had postpartum anxiety and post-traumatic stress as a result of my losses and not processing the trauma. With counselling and medication, I began to heal and process my losses. My loss last year was different: I took bereavement leave, I gave myself permission to grieve our baby girl and mourn my future with her. I spoke with others in our community, I went back to counselling, and I took the time I needed to start to heal.

How did you get the courage to launch Pink Elephants?

I don't think it was courage, in the beginning, I think it was my anger at the lack of support and validation that I chose to channel into something positive.

I never want my daughter to go through what I did in the way I did. Women deserve so much more than what we currently get.

Last year took courage to come back and work in this space again after bereavement leave - the physical and emotional pain was real, the triggers of other women's stories are real but they are also cathartic. As is the change we create, I feel like my work is meaningful and makes a difference that's what carries me on, I know we can do so much more with the right support alongside us.

I want to next see more targeted action from our government - in particular the Department of Health - in addressing this issue. It's no longer ok to turn a blind eye to the death of our babies, our trauma, and our poor mental health because of the system failing us.

How can we support a friend that has been through loss like this?

You can be there for her, you can validate her loss, don't reduce it to 'at least' comments. You can't take away her pain but you can provide a safe space for her to share and feel listened to, empathised with, and supported. Like any other bereavement send flowers, we have collaborated on a LVLY nurture flower posy as a way to do this. Remember there is no timeline to grief and it's ok for her to still be upset for many months after, remember her due date, acknowledge it at the time, support her through other friends' baby showers.

How can women experiencing miscarriage access support?

They can head to www.pinkelephants.org.au to access our circle of support, which includes online peer support communities to connect with others through miscarriage, trying to conceive again, and pregnancy after loss. Specialised emotional support content, as well as shared stories and journeys, can be accessed through our website too.