This Tiktoker is Exposing The Reality of "Daddy Privilege" - Women's Health

This Tiktoker is Exposing The Reality of “Daddy Privilege”

"Daddy privilege" is a term used when men experience praise for doing the normal duties that are expected of parents.

The challenges that come with mothering and running a business simultaneously are all too familiar to Chloe Sexton, the owner of Memphis, Tennessee–based bakery, BluffCakes.

Mother of a 6-month-old named Theodore and a 7-year-old named Mason, wearing multiple hats has become a normal part of life for the entrepreneur. However, after a recent experience she had where her husband helped her out with part of her daily routine, she was inspired to call out what she refers to as “daddy privilege” – a term used when men experience praise for doing the normal duties that are expected of parents.

@chloebluffcakes

It’s the daddy hero treatment for me 🙃

♬ original sound - Chloe

“I’ve got a fun little story about ‘daddy privilege.’ You all know if you’ve been following me for a while that I’m a business owner. My husband has a job. I have a business, my husband has a job. Could not make that any clearer, right? Well, my bakery requires that we buy certain wholesale ingredients at this place called Restaurant Depot every week. You’ve seen me do videos of it before where I’m, like, wearing him (Theodore) or was massively pregnant buying 400 pounds of flour and 100 pounds of butter, and that’s a weekly thing. The list goes on and on, like — it’s a lot,” she says in her TikTok.

She continues, “So, last week, on the day I usually do it, my husband had the day off and he decided to go do it for me, but he also had the baby that day. When I tell you, the way that this man was treated like a hero — A HERO. Mind you, those same people see me there every single week. I was recognised by one of the cashiers. She’s like, ‘Hey, do you have a TikTok?’ ‘Yeah, yeah I do…'”

“I’m strapped up with a baby or seven months pregnant, hauling 100-pound bags at a time of flour in the back of my Subaru. Meanwhile, I’m getting a whole lotta…NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Just a woman doing woman things, busting her ass. But my husband, my husband wears the baby and he goes to Restaurant Depot for mommy’s business and it’s, ‘Oh my god, look at you! Oh my god, you work so hard.’ He [my husband] said, ‘Honestly, it was a little bit embarrassing.’ Somebody walked past him and said, ‘Oh my god, that’s a whole-ass baby!’ Yeah, it’s his… He’s literally not a hero. He’s just a father, just a parent, doing the same shit I do every week,” she concluded in the video.

People rushed to the comments:

 

“I’m lucky to have a husband/life partner that is a self-proclaimed feminist and outright said, ‘Honestly the way they treated me was…embarrassing?’ He was in as much shock about how he was treated as I was: TOTALLY NOT SHOCKED. Being married to a man who doesn’t need to be taught just how deeply unfair the treatment of men vs. women in parenting roles is can be extremely relieving,” Chloe told BuzzFeed.

“To give an example of my typical day-to-day as a mother and business owner, this is how it goes: Wake at 6:45 a.m., prepare both children, drive to school, wait in the car rider line, drive home, get ready for a day of baking while taking care of the baby, hand him to my childcare for the day, head to my local wholesale source for ingredients, load up hundreds of pounds of butter, sugar, flour, etc., unload, organize, and inventory the ingredients at our commercial kitchen, then spend the following hours producing thousands of giant cookies, clean said commercial kitchen and all hardware and dishes (all while wearing evie pumps off and on), then load the baked cookies carefully sealed and stored into my vehicle to take to our office where they are sealed and shipped, get the baby from my childcare and the 7-year-old from school, get started on homework, answer emails, care for the baby, cook dinner, manage both bedtimes for the kids, and maybe do some housework before falling into the couch.”

“In my opinion, ‘daddy privilege’ is that subtle upper hand men side-step into as parents that allows them to gain praise for simply…being a parent. You fed the baby? What a great dad! You held the baby while mommy bathed? So considerate of you! You picked up something for dinner? What would your family do without you?! It’s all the little ways mothers do exactly what the world expects of them without a second thought and then watch fathers get praised for simply showing up,” said Chloe.

@chloebluffcakes What 7 hrs worth of cookie shipping at 36 wks pregnant looks like ✨🥰 #smallbusinessowner #baker #TikTokGGT ♬ Kiss Me More (feat. SZA) - Doja Cat

Chloe also feels that it’s important for society to realise that the days of men being the sole family breadwinner are over. “Women carry equal and, in some cases, majority breadwinner weight these days and still are deemed less worthy of parental praise somehow. I am a feminist to my core and will always fight for what is equal and just — today that means giving EVERY parent the same amount of attention. Every parent deserves to know that they are seen and appreciated.”

To be clear, Chloe isn’t saying that we shouldn’t cheer on dads. “By all means, cheer on that dad you see struggling to hip-hold a baby while opening the freezer door in the grocery store, but also express that same praise and helpful hand to the mother — who might take his place six days a week,” she said, adding, “Mothers may not need praise, but they sure as hell deserve it.”

By Nikolina Ilic

Nikolina is the web-obsessed Digital Editor at Men's and Women's Health, responsible for all things social media and .com. A lover of boxing, she spends most of the time in the gym or with her husband and daughter. She was previously a Digital Editor at GQ and Vogue magazine.

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