Following the disappearance of Sarah Everard this month, the phrase even began trending on Twitter.
To refrain myself from penning a 2000 word rant on why the response is completely delusional, TikTok user, Evelyn, who has ‘two relevant master’s degrees from Harvard’ in gender-based trauma, did it (and completely nailed it).
In the video, the Harvard grad stated that the behaviour which encourages people to say ‘not all men’ comes from three sources, the first of which is a ‘male “pick me” behaviour’.
As per Unilad, Evelyn explained that people who behave in this manner acknowledge that ‘there are men out there who are acting in abusive and oppressive ways’, but stress: ‘I’m not one of them! I’m one of the good guys!’
As a sidenote on this particular argument, the TikToker said that claiming to be ‘one of the good guys’ is a ‘total delusion’, as ‘in a patriarchy everyone has internalised misogyny and sexism and oppressive ways to treat women’.
She added: ‘That’s why we all gotta unlearn patriarchal ways of behaving.’
The second source for the response comes from ‘the need to control women’s voices,’ with men using this phrase ‘tone policing women far more than they are mad at those men who are abusing, harassing and raping women’, despite the men being the ones ‘giving the rest of them a bad name.’
It can also be fuelled by the ‘male superiority complex’, which is related to the ‘pick me’ behaviour.
In this situation, men may offer their understanding that ‘there are awful men out there who will abuse and rape and harass you, and oppress you’, but argue that they are not like that, and that women should ‘depend on’ them to protect themselves from male violence.
‘This instills in women a fear of independence. That the real solution to the male violence is another man. That’s not true by the way.’
As Evelyn points out, the issue is one that is rooted in society, and relies on a complete overhaul of behaviour and consistency in offenders being held accountable to enact change. Amen to that.