The personal trainer/client relationship is a complex one.
As a PT your job is to make people do stuff they generally wouldn’t do on their own. You are paid to be a bully. As well as being a tormentor, you’re also a friend, confidant, therapist, cheerleader, philosopher, career counsellor, legal advisor (I watch a lot of Law & Order, so I’m pretty sure I’m qualified) and ear for confessions (although mostly that comes in the form of ‘forgive me for I have sinned and eaten three Nutella donuts over the weekend……ok, make that four’).
In a valiant effort to help smooth out PT-Client relations the world over, I have put together a list of things your personal trainer (probably) wants you to know.
1. We take unnecessary pleasure in your pain
Yep, it’s true, in the PT world I do think it helps to be a bit of a sadist. Obviously, I don’t mean training you into an injury, but at the same time, if my client isn’t shooting me dirty looks by the end of the set, I am probably going to put the weight up, and smirk while I’m doing it. It’s a well-known fact that most people only go to the gym so that their physical pain will match their existential suffering, so I’m just trying to help y’all out anyway.
2. Add more weights
More weight isn’t punishment. Being strong is freakin' badass. I think we can all be a little more badass.
3. NOBODY CARES
Trust me when I say this ladies, nobody else cares when your mascara is running, your once perfectly coifed hair now looks like a birds nest that’s seen better days, you are sweating like a celiac in a bakery and are making weird sex-like grunting sounds. Everybody else is too focussed on their own workouts and discomfort to notice you and yours. Except for the gym bros – they are just focused on trying to sneakily check out their quads in the mirror. So relax and train like nobody's watching…. Because they aren’t.
4. Stretching is essential... And we'll know if you haven't done it
I know that you’re not going to stretch and roll out when you get home like you claim, even though you made a pinky swear that you would. Conversely, I will not give you an ounce of pity when you show up the next day with extreme muscle soreness.
5. And about those miscounted reps...
This is an extremely contentious issue. Nothing will enrage a client more than miscounting the reps in any given set. Did I get distracted by the Taylor Swift music videos that the gym incessantly blares or the hot guy walking past? Or did I do it on purpose to secretly trick you into doing more reps? You will never know. The point is, I am the boss, and whatever number I say (cough*randomly come up with*cough) goes #sorrynotsorry.
6. We know all about your distraction techniques
From pretending you forgot your water-bottle so that you can spend 67% of the session sauntering over to the water fountain to stay hydrated, to asking me about my dogs/The Bachelorette/who my fave One Directioner is (Zayn, duh). Don’t think that I don’t know exactly what you’re up to. You can’t fool the master, and I am the number one procrastinator. Don’t think you’re going to bamboozle me with your insincere flattery either, I know my eyebrows look amazing, but telling me that isn’t going to get you out of your last set.
7. Don’t say the ‘C’ word
My number one most hated word in the gym – can’t. As in ‘I can’t do it’. All I ever want is for my clients to try their hardest. Also, I am quite literally there to stop you from hurting yourself. So let’s try for that bench press PB, and I promise to spot you so that you won’t be crushed to death under the barbell.
So when your PT is causing you to suffer, or just plain bugging you, remember we love you and we’re doing it for your own good (or maybe just our personal amusement). Train well, be a badass and don’t forget to foam roll.
When she isn’t torturing people in the gym, or patting random dogs, Emma spends her spare time writing for www.tinylovebug.com