So... Should You Have Sex With Your Roommate RN?

So… Should You Have Sex With Your Roommate RN?

So, should you have sex with your roommate? Or should you resist the urge for the sake of your long-term happiness? We asked two relationship experts: Gigi Engle, Promescent brand advisor and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life; and Jade Wu, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast. Here’s what […]

by | Apr 15, 2020

So, should you have sex with your roommate? Or should you resist the urge for the sake of your long-term happiness? We asked two relationship experts: Gigi Engle, Promescent brand advisor and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life; and Jade Wu, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast. Here’s what they had to say.


The pros of roommate sex


“They’re right there, so you don’t have to make the trek of travelling somewhere to see your lover,” Engle says. Often, we don’t have the time to get ready, take the train to someone’s apartment, have sex, stay for cuddles after, and then head back. If you live with the person, you can have a full lovemaking session in a half-hour, literally, on your lunch break.


“It’s easier to hook up with someone in the next room than it is to spend time on dating apps,” says Engle. After all, there are few things worse than mindlessly swiping on Tinder in the hopes that someone nearby is down to hook up. “You can also go on a lot of first dates, but if there’s no spark, you won’t want to have sex with the person. Or they may not want to have sex with you,” says Engle. If you and your roommate share a mutual attraction and both want to sleep with each other, you can right then and there.

Potential for more

You probably already have a connection with this person—and in many cases, you might even be friends by the time you have sex with each other. “This can spark an emotional connection since you already genuinely like them as a person,” Engle says. Get ready to go from living with a friend to living with a partner.

Even if you don’t end up dating your roommate, Jade Wu, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast, notes that a hookup can be “a way to bond with the person you live with.” A solid bond with a roommate could be especially beneficial to our mental health right now, as many of us are experiencing cabin fever during self-isolation.


Getty Images

The cons of roommate sex


The biggest pro of roommate sex is also its biggest con. “Things will be extra awkward if they don’t go well, because you can’t even avoid each other,” says Wu.

Also, remember this is someone you share a lease with: “If you start having sex and things go sideways, you can’t just walk away, break up, or phase them out,” says Engle. You’re going to have to see them every single day.

Fewer boundaries

“You’ll have even fewer boundaries and less ‘me’ space in a situation where you’re confined in a small space with someone, day and night,” says Wu. They may want to come and cuddle (or have sex) when you don’t want to. That can get awkward.

Rejection is tougher

Both receiving and giving sexual rejection is tougher when you live with someone, explains Wu. While it always sucks getting rejected sexually, you’ll be particularly hurt if your roommate would rather watch reruns of Friends than have sex with you. Or, conversely, you or your roommate may just go along with having sex when you really don’t want to in order to “keep the peace”—which is unhealthy and unfair.

Entangled finances

“Because you presumably also have a financial relationship with your roommate (e.g., if you split rent, basic supplies, utilities), getting involved sexually can blur lines and make it harder to resolve conflicts fairly and without drama,” Wu says. Addressing money with friends and roommates is already something that’s complicated and stress-inducing enough without adding sex to the mix.

Risk of losing a friend

Often we move in with someone because we’re friends with them already, or at least, could see ourselves being good friends with them down the line. When you have sex, you risk losing that friend, and for what? Having sex a couple of times? “If things end poorly, you risk messing up your friendship and that might not be worth the risk,” says Engle.

So, should you have sex with your roommate?

“I would not recommend it,” says Wu. “It opens up doors for drama, stress, uncertainty, and conflict.” Even though it might be particularly tempting now if you’re quarantined with them, “It’s not what you need in this especially stressful time. Hang in there! You’ll be able to hit the town again soon.”

Engle also advises against sleeping with your roommate. “There is just so much risk involved emotionally and financially,” she says. “I know it might be convenient and seem like the easier option after so many failed Tinder experiences, but hooking up with someone you live with isn’t just a one-time mistake—it can be a choice that follows you, and you probably don’t want that kind of pressure when life is already hard enough.”

The experts say your safest bet is finding sex somewhere else. 

This article originally appeared on Men’s Health US

Recommended to you

8 Of The Best Exercise Shorts That Will Power You Through A Summer Of Movement

It’s official: Shorts Season is officially here. While lockdown has seen many of us realise that activewear is less something to be worn for a workout and more a uniform we choose to do any and all daily activities in, when the warmer temperatures roll around, that favourite pair of sweatpants and leggings sometimes don’t cut it. Sure, they might be a staple in any wardrobe, but the Aussie sun doesn’t listen to reason, no matter how comfortable or cute it might be. And when it comes to summer, working out in leggings can feel like being trapped in a sauna, the sweat pooling at your ankles and around the waistband – as well as those other areas we won’t mention here. 

But as we transition from leggings to shorts, it becomes clear pretty quickly that not all shorts are created equal, and certainly not all shorts are fit for a workout. Take it from us at Women’s Health HQ, we’ve been there, tried it and lived to see the consequences. From the shorts that look cute but ride up to show your undies on the run, to those that feel like being strapped into a harness that’s digging into your hip bones. Then there are the fabrics that can cause chafing – a big no – and those that basically shine a spotlight on any area you might be sweating. 

Thankfully, a number of brands are here to cater to your exercise needs with innovative materials, fabrics and sustainable options to see you through a summer of movement. Regardless of your workout preferences or daily activity, we’ve selected the best shorts that will ensure you feel good in your body, shorts that get you excited to embrace the day and attack it with energy, that make you want to get outside and enjoy the outdoors, whether it be walking, running, or socialising in the park. Here are our pick of the best bike shorts below. 


Uptown Biker, $240

What says summer more than a pop of orange and the sleek shape of these Nagnata biker shorts? With its mid-length and horizontal raised rib side detail, these are shorts you can wear both for a workout and out to meet the girls. Made in Australia with a technical knit fabrication, the double-layer jacquard provides gentle sculpting qualities for the body, making it an excellent choice for light to moderate fitness activities like yoga, pilates or barre. 

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.defineSlot(gamData.adUnit, [300, 250], 'gam_midarticle_pos2_3') .defineSizeMapping(gamData.sizeMap.midarticle) .setTargeting('pos', '2') .addService(googletag.pubads()); googletag.display('gam_midarticle_pos2_3'); });

New Balance

Q Speed Fuel Short, $70

We love the colour of these shorts from New Balance which are cut with a sleek, speedy look that also helps to elongate the legs. Featuring NB DRY moisture wicking fabric, these are the shorts you want for high intensity exercise or long runs, keeping you comfortable and dry. There’s also an interior brief for added comfort and a stash pocket to keep your essentials. 

All Access

Ultra High Rise Zip Front Biker Short, $78

Yes, the colour is amazing but the fit is equally sensational on these All Access shorts. For those who love a high-rise fit and wide waistband that holds you in at the waist, look no further. The sleek, shiny look offers mid-compression and the fabric is moisture-wicking, so you can stay comfortable even during your sweatiest workouts. 


Nike x Naomi Osaka Utility Short, $90

Few things are worse than heading out the door for a run and realising your shorts offer no pockets for those essentials you need. You’re left to hold your iPhone, keys, and anything else you might need in your sweaty palm. Thankfully, Naomi Osaka knows what we need when it comes to exercise shorts and these utility shorts from her collaboration with Nike offer all that and more with a relaxed fit and elastic waistband. 


Session short Tights, $72

When it comes to bike shorts, you want to feel supported and held in but you also want to be able to breathe. These Tracksmith session short tights are exceptional in offering support while still ensuring comfort remains a priority. Forget about chafing, these shorts won’t ride up and down and the fabric offers more coverage and support against the body. 

Outdoor Voices

Relay 3” Short, $48

Who said summer shorts have to be boring? Outdoor Voices brings fashion-forward style and playfulness to their collections with fun prints and exciting colours. We love the relay 3” shorts for their ultralight, quick-drying fabric that also happens to be made from recycled polyester. But more importantly, we love the print and Poppy Swirl is as good as it gets. There’s even a hidden pocket for your valuables, too. 


Align High-Rise Short 6”, $69

If you’re familiar with the buttery-soft feel of Lululemon’s tights, you’ll want to get your hands on a pair of their shorts, too. Made with the same Nulu fabric that their tights are known for, these shorts feel weightless and super soft. They might be our go-to staple for any workout, but the feel is so second-skin that it’s hard to not wear them for every other activity, too. 

Spiritual Gangster

Seamless Biker Short, $112

These biker shorts from Spiritual Gangster move with you, thanks to a three-tiered compressive waistband that offers a flattering high waist that hugs you in all the right places, without proving constrictive. They offer medium compression but are built for all day comfort, and the colour is a true summer staple because, let’s face it, who doesn’t love tie-dye?