While that's the end game for sure—going through the motions can make you feel disconnected.
We consulted David Yarian, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist to get tips on how to reach our final destination without taking the same old roads.
Discuss your hottest sex memories
Here, he explains what you can do tonight—not after waiting for some sex toy delivery from Lovehoney, finding a babysitter, or booking a vacation—so you can get closer ASAP.
You didn’t start in a sex rut, right? If there was a time when you might’ve been more of a take-me-on-the-kitchen-counter kind of girl. It's time to go there.
Yarian says that reminiscing about your sexual past with your partner can seriously perk up your sex life. He says you should talk about what you liked about that kitchen-sex phase of your relationship and all the juicy details you remember. By chatting about your favourite past sexcapades, you can fill him in on the things that made you feel most connected, says Yarian. Then, you can put those ideas back to work in the bedroom.
Play this sexy foreplay game
One of the exercises Yarian uses with couples is what he calls the yin-yang game. Here's how it works: Set a timer for five minutes and choose who will be the "giver" and who will be the "receiver." Once the timer is set, the giver does whatever the receiver wants until their time is up. This might be a back rub, sexual touching, kissing, or whatever your lady business desires, he says. Once the timer is up, switch roles. "Repeat a few times, until the connection feels real," says Yarian.
While this exercise is definitely a great way to break out of your go-to foreplay rut, it also helps you practice being more mindful in both the giving and receiving roles, he says.
Sync your breath
If you don't have 20 minutes to dedicate to the yin-yang game, this quickie can get you riled up and super-connected in five minutes or less, says Yarian.
To get started, stand facing each other and hold each other closely. Then, close your eyes and attempt to sync your inhales and exhales together. "In order to do that, you tune into yourself and your partner to sync up," Yarian says. “It’s a fundamental skill in being intimate.”
If you get distracted (which you probably will), bring your focus back to the breathing. The byproduct of breathing is a calming feeling that creates another connection between you and your partner, says Yarian.
Keep it hot in the long run
Though these tricks will get you on your way to more stimulating sex, the best thing you can do to break out of a sex rut is to talk to your partner about why you feel stuck in your sexual ways and what you'd like to do about it, says Yarian.
This article originally appeared on Women's Health US.