From money to maintaining intimacy, 13 women share the most common arguments they have with their husbands – and how their fighting styles changed after getting hitched.
"I broke up with him the first time because he absolutely sucked at communication and I realised I was doing things like pissing him off on purpose to get any sort of reaction. Then we both grew up, gave it a second chance, got married. It's been about a decade. We don't generally fight about money, honesty, or how we raise our kiddo. I'd say most of our disagreements still stem from some type of communication issue, usually one or both of us thinking something that isn't true." [via]
“Generally before were petty misunderstandings. After has been just pure stubbornness and lack of communication. It took a few years of really rough patches and understanding our personal mental health and relationship health. Now we have two kids we are a full on pair and don't really fight. We may be miffed and need space to work out the anger, but then we talk about it calmly and without judgment and recognise what the other felt." [Via]
"We used to have the regular relationship issues: 'You're not attentive enough', 'You were out too late.' Again, once we got married most of those issues became insignificant as they were hugely based on our insecurities about the relationship. Now we tend to just argue about politics and shit." [Via]
"Before we got married our biggest fights were based in how opposite we are. I'd take an interest in his hobbies, but he wouldn't take an interest in mine so I'd resent him. He thought I was bougie, I thought he was immature. We'd go round and round trying to balance our own interests with the others. Since we got married, we've learned to accept our differences. I'll go to the cinema while he watches wrestling. I'll go solo to see Damien Rice, he'll go solo to see Mastadon. But we both make a concerted effort to dedicate more of our time to the things we both enjoy.
But more importantly, we've learned that even if we don't enjoy the other person's 'thing', there is nothing better than watching the other person be happy and excited about it. We just want to see the other one happy, and that's more important than sharing all of the same interests." [Via]
"Married 22 years, together 24 years. Those little things that are just a minor annoyance early on become MAJOR annoyances later. If it bugs you now, talk about it now. Also, everyone talks about falling in love but the real beauty is growing in love. Getting old together. It's a better type of love, IMO." [Via]
"A lot of our arguments at the beginning revolved around learning how to live together (chore division, housekeeping styles, etc) and figuring out our love languages (he shows affection by cleaning the kitchen, while I just want to cuddle on the couch). Once we learned how to communicate better, things were much much smoother. We still argue about chores and housekeeping, but not seriously. Most of our problems right now centre around the health issues we are each facing and trying to adapt to them. I get cranky when I’m in pain, he gets grouchy when he’s anxious... but we’ll sort it out eventually." [Via]
"Before we got married, our arguments were about how he didn't respect me liked to flirt with other women. After we got married, it's the same thing. Plus, I don't 'do enough around the house' because I am working and in school and raising the kids. It’s really no surprise we are in the middle of a divorce." [Via]
"They were the same before and after. Misunderstandings, expectations of each other that we'd fail to communicate (getting frustrated with each other and then resenting one another because of improper communication styles). We were on the edge of divorce. We finally got some much-needed therapy which helped our relationship tremendously. Both of us recognised that we each individually needed to work on ourselves. It changed our marriage." [Via]
"I’ve been married and divorced twice. All I can say is people don’t change and the things you fight about now will probably still be fights after you get married. Once you’re married there will be new fights too depending on your relationship. I’ve fought about money, household chores, communication, honesty and other things. If you are hoping the fighting will end after the wedding, you probably shouldn’t marry this person. Or if you do, don’t expect much to change." [Via]
"Same before and after. Biggest problem is infertility issues, which we already had before and don't cause arguments. Arguments are generally brought by hanger, tiredness, or stress rather than by a specific topic." [Via]
"Before: 'Why the fuck do you put your dirty pants NEXT to the laundry basket?' After: 'Why the fuck do you STILL put your dirty pants NEXT to the laundry basket?!' 10 years strong somehow." [Via]