1. Men are obsessed with porn
Men are generally more responsive to visual sexual stimuli than women. When you press play, you’re allowing your imagination to take a break. But that doesn’t mean that every man has to watch porn to feel sexually aroused and no does it mean that every man would rather be watching porn then being intimate with a partner.
If his porn usage isn’t compulsive, and it doesn’t impact on the time you spend together or your sex life then it’s probably nothing to worry about.
If you feel insecure or excluded by your partner’s porn use, then you could try talking about it, or even including erotica in your foreplay. Being open about your fantasies can be fun and lead to more effective communication in general. There are sites specifically aimed at women, as well as pornographers who aim to create more ‘ethical’ porn.
2. Men want sex all the time
Unfortunately, many of us have grown up believing that men possess insatiable sexual urges and appetites. The theory that they think about sex every seven seconds is not only outdated and inaccurate, it also perpetuates the problem, making men feel under pressure to initiate sex when they’d rather not. In reality, the reason for turning down someone’s advances can be as simple as not being in the mood.
The truth is, some men have a high sex drive, some men are happy with less sex, and some don’t crave it at all.
3. If he doesn’t get an erection he doesn’t fancy you
Contrary to what we were told as teenagers, a man’s penis really doesn’t have a mind of its own. Just like women, men are sensitive and responsive to what is happening around them. Their ability to get and stay hard can be affected by all kinds of things; stress, alcohol, exhaustion, medications and anxiety can all play a role.
If it’s the first (second or third) time you’re fooling around, it might be that nerves are getting the better of him. Slow things down, spend a little more time on foreplay and you’ll probably find that he’ll relax. Because of the role men are traditionally expected to occupy in society, not getting an erection can lead to feelings of shame and embarrassment. Be kind to your partner and make it clear that they can discuss any anxieties with you. Trust and safety are key to a healthy sexual relationship after all.
4. Men are not naturally monogamous but women are
Well the jury is out here. While some would argue that the human species is naturally polyamorous, most human beings are born with the ability to reason and rationalise. Which involves the ability to choose the types of relationship that’s right for them. Plenty of people of both sexes find happiness and fulfilment in a committed monogamous relationship and more people are considering talking about consensual, non-monogamous relationships too.
5. Men need an erection to enjoy sex
Penetrative sex is just one of the many things you can do with your partner and foreplay needn’t always lead to penetration or ejaculation for that matter. So much emphasis is placed on the hard penis as an indicator of arousal that other signs are too often undervalued. A man can feel hugely turned on while they’re giving pleasure, but not be hard at the time. Not only that, a man can have an orgasm with a penis that isn’t fully erect too.