For those who will ultimately decide that splitting up is the healthier way to go, the realisation can happen in a variety of ways. For some, it's a lightbulb moment, while others come to the decision slowly. Case and point: These 15 divorced men shared the completely different ways they determined they needed to end their marriage.
1. I didn't want to go to therapy.
“She asked me to see a therapist with her. Things had been rocky for a while and she thought a professional help. Her asking made me realize nothing could help us. I was no longer in love with her and there wasn’t any work that could be done that would make me fall in love with her again.” —Craig, 37
2. Our sex life was non-existent.
“We hadn’t had sex for 6 months. At first, I chalked it up to us both being busy with our jobs and kids. I planned a special weekend in the city for our wedding anniversary. We went to a nice dinner and then back to the hotel. I put on the moves and she said she’d rather not. I knew it was over.” —Steven, 45
3. She broke into my phone.
“I caught her going through my phone. She had done this before and it had been a source of arguments for a long time. She got better about it for a while, but then it happened again and I knew it was over. I had never cheated on her and never done anything to cause any sort of mistrust. I just couldn’t live the rest of my life with someone who would never trust me.” —David, 33
4. She cheated on me.
“She cheated. The moment she told me, I knew there was no way I would be able to move past it. I told her right then and there that I would be filing for divorce. My parents had infidelity in their marriage and it was hell to live in that house. There was no way I was going to live through that again.” —Eric, 40
5. She brought it up first.
“I knew we weren’t in love anymore, but we had kids and didn’t fight much. We were good roommates. But when she told me she wanted a divorce, I realised I did too.” —Paul, 42
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6. I didn't care when she flirted with someone else.
“We were at a holiday party and I saw my wife flirting with another guy. Nothing too serious, but definitely flirting. I didn’t care at all. In fact, I thought, ‘Good for her.’ I figured that probably wasn’t a good sign for our future.” —Sam, 39
7. I realised I don't want kids.
After a few years or marriage, she wanted to start trying for a baby. I always thought I wanted kids. But when it was time to actually have them, I had no desire. Kids were a deal-breaker for her, so I knew we needed to split. She deserved to have the life she wanted and so did I.” —Andrew, 35
8. I was jealous of someone else's divorce.
“A coworker told me she was getting a divorce and I was envious. It didn’t have anything to do with her. I was just jealous that she was getting out of her marriage. It firmed up that I needed to do the same.” —Joe, 46
9. I developed feelings for another woman.
“I developed feelings for another woman—really strong feelings. I didn’t want to cheat on my wife. So, I told her I wanted a divorce.” —Evan, 36
10. Our hours felt too lonely after the kids left.
“We got married and had kids young. When our youngest left for college, the house felt so lonely. My wife and I no longer had anything in common and we both knew we needed to split.” — Phil, 45
10. I didn't miss her when she travelled.
“She started travelling a lot for work. I realized I didn’t miss her. I actually started to look forward to the times she’d be gone.” —Alex, 40
12. We couldn't find anything to talk about.
“Friday was our date night. Every week, we’d go out to dinner and catch up. One night, I realised we didn’t have anything to say to one another—and it had been like that for a while. We wound up trying to make it work, but the feelings weren’t there any longer. A year later, we got a divorce.” —Jim, 46
13. She wasn't supportive of my life changes.
“I struggled with depression for most of my 20s and 30s. In my 40s, I began taking meds and found a good therapist. My life improved in a variety of ways. I felt more energetic, was happier at work, and started working out and getting into shape. My wife kept saying she missed the old me. It wasn’t just a passing comment, either. Every time I’d try to talk about how much better I felt, she’d complain. She didn’t like that I went to the gym every day, she made fun of the things my therapist told me, and she sarcastically would make cracks about my meds. I knew that I needed a supportive partner if I wanted to continue along this positive path.” —Frank, 44
14. I started resenting her requests.
“I don’t think there was one moment. It was a series of things over the course of a year or so. First, I found myself getting really annoyed any time she asked me to do something around the house. Her requests were reasonable—it’s not like she was asking me to do crazy things. The only time I wasn’t annoyed was if she asked me to do something involving the kids. Then, I found myself avoiding going to bed at the same time as her. I’d play video games until she fell asleep, then I’d slip into the bedroom. I started piecing all these feelings together and came to the conclusion I was no longer happy in the marriage. It was hard to explain to her why. I just wasn’t into it anymore. I felt bad that I couldn’t give her more of an answer.” —Michael, 40
15. I didn't want to turn into my in-laws.
“We were spending time with my mother-in-law and father-in-law. My ex-wife is very similar to her mum and I am a lot like her father. As I watched my in-laws interact and I realised I didn’t want that to be my future. They just didn’t seem that happy. It's not even that they fought—they just seemed bored with one another.” —Chris, 38
This article originally appeared on Prevention US.