But, wait, you're straight...right?
It's a question that makes total sense to ask, especially if you're one to interpret dreams on a literal basis.
I get it: You enjoyed the dream—a lot—but you've never really thought about women that way before. Sure, you've helped your friends pick their best thirst trap and ogled actresses' fit bodies, but you've never, in the words of Katy Perry, kissed a girl and liked it. (Obvs, you're cool with lesbian relationships, you've just never felt the desire to be in one.)
But before you go texting every one of your friends to find out if you're the only one who's had an unexpected girl-on-girl fantasy (P.S. you're so not) and spiralling into crisis mode, let experts decode what a lesbian sex dream really means.
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First, know what a lesbian sex dream is not.
"Women are often anxious about their lesbian dreams, and they needn't be," says Gayle Delaney, PhD, a dream specialist, clinical psychologist, and founding president of the International Association for the Study of Dreams. "It's the rarest of possibilities that you turn out to be a lesbian." (Not that there'd be anything wrong with you if you come to that realization, but it's very unlikely the case.)
FWIW, gay men and women have the same horrified reaction when they have a straight sex dream, Delaney says, so it's not about any stigma but rather the element of surprise.
In all her years of analyzing dreams, she’s never encountered someone who identified as straight suddenly realize that they were actually gay (or vice versa) by way of a sex dream.
Psychologist Rubin Naiman, PhD, a clinical assistant professor of medicine and the sleep and dream specialist at the University of Arizona, hasn’t either. "It's my experience that dreaming doesn't smack you in the head. I've never seen that happen," he explains.
"I think a woman who has an opening in her heart toward sex with other women or a lesbian relationship would probably have some awareness," he says. "The dream might surprise her, but it probably wouldn't shock her."
Delaney agrees: "People generally aren't that repressed."
Still, you might be a bit closer to lesbianism on the sexuality spectrum than you originally thought.
"Most people are on somewhat of a sexual continuum," Naiman says. "But that doesn't mean that a woman having this dream is a lesbian." (ICYDK, tons of straight women get off to lesbian porn, but that doesn't impact who they choose to date.)
Okay, so what does it mean to have a lesbian sex dream?
I hate to break it to all you dream-dictionary owners, but there "are few, if any, universal meanings to a dream," says Naiman. The only way to figure out what your imaginary lesbian encounter really means is to ask yourself what it means to you.
The first step is interviewing yourself about your dream. Delaney recommends asking these questions:
- What happened in the dream?
- How did the dream feel?
- Who's the woman you're having sex with?
- What does it feel like to be with her?
- How does the sex go?
Of course, the answers will depend on your individual experience. That said, Delaney has noticed striking similarities in women’s responses whenever she’s conducted this type of dream interview.
"Almost always, women say it feels wonderful," she explains. "Some have a more erotic dream, and some have it more loving. But in both cases, the sex goes really well."
As for your dream’s costar, it’s "likely a woman you know and whom you admire,” says Delaney. Often, she’s further advanced in her career, and might even be your boss. Again, don’t freak out—your dream isn’t an HR violation.
"The relevant part is what this figure plays in your life. She's usually someone more along your path, whatever that is," Delaney explains. "This dream means you really have come a ways to be accepted and liked by a woman who plays a role in your life goals."
There are exceptions to this dream interpretation, of course, but "the vast majority" of lesbian dreams Delaney has heard actually reveal a woman’s career aspirations—not her sexuality.
If that seems ironic, or weird, it isn't. "One of the mistakes we make about sexual dreams is that we reduce it to the anatomical, physical act of sex," Naiman says. "Symbolically, a sexual connection is a connection of love."
So, regardless of whether or not your dream reflects your personal goals, it might also be about how you connect to women—and womanhood itself.
"Dreaming is not just about our personal unconscious, it's also about our shared, social, and collective unconscious," Naiman explains. He believes the evolution of pro-women movements over time, most recently with #MeToo and Time's Up, have made their way into that collective unconscious.
And get this—you don't even have to be actively aware of or involved in these movements to have their underlying effect on society influence your dreams. Translation: Your dream about making love to another woman could simply mean you love women. (I mean, why wouldn't you? They're the best.)
Regardless, however your confusing dream went down, don't overthink it.
"We have to come at the dream—even difficult and frightening dreams—with the presumption that it's friendly," Naiman says. "If we don't, we're going to lose some of the personal meaning that's hidden in the dream."
So, the next time you have a lesbian sex dream (hey, if it happened once, it can happen again), just embrace it. Then maybe tell a boss lady in your life how much you admire her. Spread the love!
This article originally appeared on Women's Health US.
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