It's actually called "edging," and it might make your orgasms way, way better:
What is edging?
Edging is the practice of bringing yourself juuuuuust to the brink of orgasm, and then backing off before you let yourself climax. You build your arousal right up to its peak, then dial it back; build it up again, and dial it back; so that when you eventually do orgasm, the experience is a lot more explosive than usual. According to licensed psychotherapist and sex specialist Vanessa Marin, “edging can make orgasm feel much more powerful” in women, “much, much more intense and enjoyable.”
Meanwhile, in men, edging can serve a more practical purpose: Enhanced pleasure aside, delaying orgasm also extends partnered sex, helping men to get in tune with their bodies and identify the signs that announce an imminent orgasm. That, in turn, helps them last longer, Marin explains. And then, it’s “also just something fun and new and exciting to try in the bedroom.”
1. Start out solo
“I definitely recommend that you try edging on your own first—it can take a little bit of skill to figure out how to do it,” Marin advises. “What you want to do is get yourself as close as you can to orgasm and then stop there, and then start over again.”
So choose a comfortable space where you won’t be interrupted, and where you can centre your attention solely on your masturbation sensations.
5. In partnered sex, take turns
“It’s definitely too much to do both partners at the same time—you’re just not going to be able to get the timing right,” Marin says. Instead, explain to your partner what you’re trying to achieve, and establish a system before you get started. Marin suggests settling on a clear signal beforehand, which could be a verbal cue—“stop” or “pause” or “red light”—or something as simple as an arm or shoulder grab. But definitely clarify the signal beforehand: “Sometimes, when you’re with a partner, if you get really lost in the moment and you’re getting up there to that nine, it can be hard to pull yourself out of that.”
And because partnered sex—whether it’s penetrative, oral, or mutual masturbation—often means you’re not perfectly in control over your own orgasm, Marin proposes lowering your target a bit. “Maybe have your partner stop when you get to a seven,” she says. “When it’s another person [edging your orgasm], there is, of course, a delay between when you are able to communicate when you’re ready to stop and when your partner does stop.”
6. Choose positions that put you in control
Because edging does require a high degree of bodily control, opt for positions where you’re in charge. For penetrative sex, Marin recommends woman-on-top positions like Cowgirl and Reverse Cowgirl, because not only do they afford you easy access to your own clit, you can also gauge thrusting speed and depth, stopping yourself as soon as you need to.
But, because so many women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, any position that allows you to stroke yourself works for edging: Try rear-entry positions like doggy style or downward dog, or a tabletop position that allows you to lie back while your standing partner thrusts.
This article originally appeared on Women's Health US.